i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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