I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
