My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
