He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
