OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
