I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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