in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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