I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
