why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
