So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
