at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
