I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
