i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
