She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
