you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
