thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
