You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
