There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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