I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
