Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
