sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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