Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
