I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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