We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
