She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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