got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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