Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
