I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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