Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
