this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
