The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
