Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
