what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
