you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
