I feel like abortions should bother me more
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
