He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
