11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
