Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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