Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
