then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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