mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
