Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
