last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
