I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
