wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
