he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
