Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
