I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
