I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
