You can't special order awesome
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
