I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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