Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
