Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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