i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
