I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
