can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
