hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
